So, have you seen the trailer for the movie comedy adaptation of CHiPs? It’s quite notable for all the gay-panic jokes that it is packed with, making it seem as though this is going to be a major, major theme of the film.

Okay, I guess (?) the show had a homoerotic subtext… I guess? I don’t really remember it, although you do have two guys in uniforms who are buddies, so… I guess that’s gay? The first thing here is that Michael Pena is worried that his undercover alias might be “female names.” When he meets Dax Shepard in a locker room, and it is treated as so, so horrifying (and hilarious!) that a guy’s crotch bulge might touch you in a non-sexual way, and SOOOO disturbing that Shepard hugs another guy in a purely platonic way, but their bulges touch! Can you BELIEVE that!? Wouldn’t you just have to run home and wash yourself in acid?

After Pena specifying that, if they’re like Jay-Z and Beyonce, he’s Jay-Z, the trailer “climaxes” with Pena carrying an injured Shepard to the bathroom, and the towel comes off, leaving Shepard’s underwear-covered crotch a foot from his face, which causes Pena to SCREAM in horror. Then they trip and Pena’s face touches Shepard’s crotch for an instant, which they then spend moments discussing, from separate rooms, whether there was actually any contact.

So, WHAT’S going on? I guess that Dax Shepard, who wrote and directed the movie, thinks that the thoughts of two guys’ bits touching is just, like, THE apex of comedy. Presumably because for a righteous straight dude, it would be the absolute worst imaginable outcome to have contact, regardless of how brief and non-sexual, with another guy’s junk. And it would be the worst thing possible for other guys to see something like that and, however mistakenly, think that you are gay. I guess that’s the level we’re on here.

Anyway, the trailer seems almost wholly centered on gay panic humor. Check it out for yourself: